Lies
by cutiechibi
Summary: Nightmares scared you, and the dark red eyes in his nightmares numbed him so much that he couldn't be scared. So nightmares became dreams, because dreams didn't scare you. These dreams just spoke the truth, the truth he knew all too well.


Lies

By: _Chibi Shi-Chan_

Summary: Just a little fic about Sasuke, his struggles, and the way he gets through it all.

Warnings: Yaoi, kind of dark, angst, and maybe some sap. Rated R for the blood and other content that might be disturbing.

Disclaimer: Naruto, sadly, is not mine. If it were mine I'd put yaoi in it, oh wait; there's already enough yaoi hints in it to feed me. The song belongs to Evanescence, who I absolutely adore, if the song were mine then it wouldn't sound as good because I can't sing.

Notes: This song just reminded me of Sasuke so much that I had to write about it, but it also reminded me of Sasuke and Naruto, so that's in there too. So this is a yaoi fic, more like shonen ai; then again that's what I write. This fic can, most likely, take place at anytime during the series or manga or whatever, there really is no set timeline.

song lyrics

* * *

Programs. Programs are set to operate, to do one thing and do it well, and are only allowed to shutdown when their mission is complete. Programs only think of one thing, it is their only reason for existing so without this thing, this component that makes them programs, they are completely useless.

Could humans be programs? Could humans only exist for one purpose and only be consumed with one waking thought?

Uchiha Sasuke. Human or program? The lines were so blurry that he himself wasn't sure anymore. Uchiha Sasuke also didn't care. Human? Program? What was the difference? There were so many people around him who were going after just one thing. To be a shinobi, to be a Hokage, but for some reason he was the one everyone crowded around. For some reason the word revenge made people concerned. Why? He was obsessing over something just like everyone else was, but for some reason he got the attention and got the sorrowful looks. Sorrow, he left that emotion long ago, all he held onto now was revenge.

And somehow that made him less human than everyone else.

bound at every limb by my shackles of fear

sealed with lies through so many tears

Less human? Had his life really come to this? Programmed so well that human characteristics were damn near impossible to see? Itachi... he had made the perfect weapon out of his little brother, hadn't he? Growing stronger for one reason, that very thought was what kept him going and what deep down scared him to death. He wanted to kill this one person so badly that it was the only thing that kept him alive, that kept him useful. The only reason his body would tell him to eat, to sleep, and to breathe. The only reason he survived the things he went through. He would not die, ever, until he managed to pierce something through his brother's heart.

What would he do after he killed Itachi? _If _he could kill Itachi. Here he was, the top of the class, the legendary sole survivor of the Uchiha clan, the one everyone wanted to fawn over like he was some kind of shinobi icon... and it still wasn't enough.

Lies. He had all of these people telling him that he was strong, people who depended on him and placed their lives in his hands and trusted him. He was not strong, he was a far cry from strong. He fought, he could fight and he could win his battles, he could have what most would consider a _good _fight, the fights where the opponent gives you a _real _challenge.

Bullshit. Fighting for him was nothing but training, training for what he would consider a good fight. That would be when blood oozed from Itachi's immobile body. When he choked on his last breath. When those damn eyes of his wouldn't open ever again. Because he knew that if Itachi were to come to him right now just being able to punch him in the face wouldn't be enough.

He wanted his head put on a silver platter.

Sasuke didn't know what was worse, the fact that he lived like this everyday... or the fact that it had been going on for so long that he no longer cared. Human or program? The two words were beginning to hold the same meaning to him.

lost from within, pursing the end

i fight for the chance to be lied to again

He was living on lies and revenge. Each, _way to go Sasuke,_ and, _Sasuke is so cool_, pushed him on. Because maybe, just maybe, he was getting stronger. Maybe he was improving and maybe he could finally, finally, end this quest of his. Part of him craved hearing the lies, it was cowardly, but he craved it because when he slept at night he would hear the truth in the nightmares that were now merely dreams.

Nightmares scared you, and the dark red eyes in his nightmares numbed him so much that he couldn't be scared. So nightmares became dreams, because dreams didn't scare you. These dreams just spoke the truth, the truth he knew all too well.

you will never be strong enough

His dreams were always littered with the bodies of his family, his clan. And of Itachi, standing in the middle of all the corpses as if they were nothing but a field of flowers. Bleeding flowers, the blood in his dreams was always fresh, always assaulting his senses like a punch in the gut. He could hear the screams and see the vacant look in everyone's eyes. Every time he laid down to sleep he would wake up lying next to a dead man or woman, almost as if he could save the unfortunate person if he just closed his eyes and fell asleep in enough time.

And Itachi would stand among the dead like some sort of proud statue and just lock eyes with Sasuke, mocking him. And Sasuke would jump up and charge at Itachi, feeling the eyes of the dead watching him and begging him to finally help them rest in peace.

It couldn't even be called a fight. Sasuke could never get any type of attack in he couldn't even touch Itachi. And Itachi would stand there, in the garden of the dead, silently laughing at the last and weakest member of the Uchiha clan.

you will never be good enough

Then the voices would begin, the dead would speak. Asking, begging for Sasuke to avenge their clan. Sasuke would try, gods he would try but it never ever helped. Then the voices would grow darker, louder, and more hateful. Of course, Sasuke couldn't save them. Such a weak child could never save them from the hellish world Itachi banished them to. Everyone knew it, everyone knew why Itachi spared Sasuke's life.

He would never be able to get revenge, he was too weak, not even worthy enough to kill.

you were never conceived in love

The blood would pool around Sasuke's feet, rising up to impossible depths that bathed his ankles, his knees. The garden of the dead would morph into a sick swimming pool of blood, and the voices would continue to scorn Sasuke. He must not respect the clan, love his family, to allow Itachi to live for so long. What a rotten child, given the honor of being the one who avenged such a proud clan and he wouldn't even finish the job.

Love? Him? Outside the dream world somehow everyone loved him. If only they knew how awful he really was, drowning in the blood of his ancestors and not being strong enough to pull himself out.

you will not rise above

The dream always ended the same way. Itachi stood there watching his little brother trying to free himself from the bodies, from the blood, from the screams.

"I'm right here." He would say. "I'm right here, so why don't you kill me?" Sasuke would try harder, and harder, as hard as he possibly could but to no avail. Everything would disappear and turn completely black, and Sasuke's life would be spared before he could drown in blood, kill himself from the accusations of the once thriving clan. Spared, just like before, just like in the past.

And he'd wake up, wake up to the lies of reality. Wake up in his bed that grew in the number of occupants. Once upon a time he was alone, but then he somehow ended up with a false happily ever after named Naruto. False because it was a lie, everything outside of his dreams was a lie. Reality would only be happy when Itachi was out of it, no matter how much warmth and comfort he selfishly took from the false happy ending. Selfish, because when he went to sleep his dead paradise would be there with open arms to hold him in a horrifyingly loving embrace.

they'll never see

i'll never be

"Sasuke?" Naruto sat up, drawn out of his slumber when he felt his companion move to sit at the edge of the bed. "Sasuke, what's the matter?"

"Nothing." It was always the response. Sasuke never, ever shared his dreams with him and Naruto could never understand why.

"Sasuke..." Naruto moved closer to Sasuke and found a place for his head against the other boy's back. "... why don't you talk to me?" Because knowing the truth, telling the truth to the best lie he had ever experienced would no longer make it a lie. As if he needed to see and hear the truth when he was awake, that day would come when he and Itachi met once again. But not with Naruto, gods no he didn't want Naruto to be truthful with him like everyone else in his dreams was.

Sasuke turned around so he was facing Naruto. Yes, Naruto was a lie, one of those bad lies. The ones you knew were lies, but you let it slide because you wanted to believe it so badly. Believe in those beautiful Saturday morning sky eyes that reflected the sunlight. Believe in that annoyingly loud, always screaming always needing to be heard attitude that covered an entirely different person if you gave Naruto the chance to show it to you. Believe in that smile, believe in those lips, and believe in...

... Naruto made a soft sound of surprise when he felt gently rough fingers brush against his lips, his eyes staring into night colored orbs that would never be dotted with the moon or the stars. Naruto shivered, actually shivered from the look in those eyes. He had never really noticed before, mostly because Sasuke never faced him after his dreams, but the pitch black eyes of his partner looked dead, looked vacant and ghost like. Where was the life? Even when Sasuke looked bored about everything going on around him, his eyes at least held a flicker of life to show that he was still there, paying attention even if he didn't look the part. But now, Sasuke looked like he had died a long time ago, as if he was never alive to begin with.

Naruto didn't get to address the issue, because Sasuke's fingers brushing against his lips moved lower to trail around his chin, until they actually grabbed it in an almost harsh embrace before pulling Naruto close for a midnight kiss.

i'll struggle on and on to feed this hunger

burning deep inside of me

Sasuke chased away any last remains of Itachi, of his corpse garden, of everything by diving headfirst into kissing Naruto. The taste of his lips overwhelmed him, took over his entire body and quenched his thirst. Naruto slid his eyes shut and fell victim to Sasuke's kiss, the back of his mind wondering where this type of fire was coming from. The kiss felt so hot, so deep, as if Sasuke was starving and only Naruto could cure his hunger.

Sweet. Naruto was sweet. An intoxicating blend of strawberry kisses and honey flavored touches. Yes, this was exactly what he needed right now. Drown out the waves of blood with the delicious taste of Naruto's moans. Ignore the feel of blazing red eyes with the feel of Naruto's body pressed sensually against his own. He had an iron grip on him, a grip that made Naruto shiver from the devouring kiss and the possessive roughness of Sasuke's arm around his waist, his other hand still gripping Naruto's chin.

What brought this on? What brought on this kind of fierceness in Sasuke? This desperate ownership he was placing over Naruto? This is mine, was he trying to tell Naruto that... or himself? Naruto tried to pull away from the kiss, this side of Sasuke was new and it was a bit much to take in, especially after just waking up. It was such a new reaction, most of the time after his dreams Sasuke would get up and go for a walk and not even look at Naruto, as if he were afraid to tarnish him with his eyes. Sometimes Sasuke would let Naruto hold him, hold him until he finally lost the battle and fell asleep again only now his dreams were filled with the aroma of strawberry ramen, if such a smell existed, but that's all Sasuke could identify it with. It was Naruto's own unique flavor, strawberry ramen cooked in sunlight, and Sasuke loved every bit of it. The morning after was where the kiss would come in, but it was only to stop Naruto from asking any questions and it worked every time, Naruto would drop the subject of what he called a nightmare and what Sasuke considered a dream.

But now... Sasuke was kissing him after the dream. And Sasuke was just watching his reactions, watching Naruto try to pull away to ask him what had gotten into him but his lips were persistent. All Naruto could do was whimper against said lips, surrender to them and melt in Sasuke's arms which currently felt like they could crush his bones if they wanted to. It scared him, the way Sasuke was acting. Sasuke never clung to him this much, and the feeling of desperation was washing over him and begging Naruto to not pull away and to just let him kiss him, let him feel him in his arms.

So Naruto wrapped his arms around Sasuke's shoulders and just held on. By now his entire body felt warm and he was trembling for air but he began to take little breaths in between kisses. But Naruto wasn't the only one shaking, Sasuke was shaking too but for an entirely different reason. His mind still had fragments of the dream in it, and at some point Naruto had started to taste like blood, just like the blood in his dream. At that point Sasuke held onto Naruto tighter, willing those last pieces to go away by kissing at the boy's neck instead. Naruto just closed his eyes and never let go, for some reason Sasuke needed this right now so he'd try his best to give it to him. He let all the questions he had die down, instead he let himself go, let himself fall into Sasuke's frantic kisses.

"Mine." Sasuke muttered against the skin of Naruto's neck, nipping at it hard enough for the other boy to feel it and wince every now and then. But Naruto ignored it, what he was more concerned about was the way Sasuke was acting. "This is mine. You can't have it."

"Sa... suke...?" Who was he talking to? "Sasuke what are you..."

"You have everything else, but this is mine." Sasuke felt blind all of the sudden. All he could see was red, the red of Itachi's eyes the red that killed an entire clan. That killed parents that killed mothers and fathers, aunts and uncles. That killed all the familiar faces of neighbors and warriors and just... took everything away. He held Naruto tighter, held him desperately and started shaking harder. "Please..."

"Sasuke? Sasuke, relax. Please relax, please calm down."

"... don't take this lie away."

"Lie?"

"Just let me keep this one. You have all the other ones, just let me keep believing in this one lie." Something wet hit Naruto's shoulder, causing his eyes to widen in surprise and pull back to look at Sasuke's face. It was just one, one lone tear but one nonetheless. Sasuke's eyes were closed and he was still shaking, his cheek wet from that one tear that had escaped. Naruto was scared, he had no idea what was going on with Sasuke. He had never, ever seen him cry. He had seen him come close yes, but nothing ever escaped his eyes...

... until now.

Talking was out of the question, you couldn't really get anywhere when the person who needed to talk didn't. Sasuke would just brush him off, would just say it was nothing like he always did. So Naruto had to be patient, as hard as that was for him to do, and wait for Sasuke to just tell him what was wrong.

It never came. Sasuke didn't say anything. Instead he just pulled Naruto into his lap and draped his arms around his waist and held on.

"Sasuke? Please... talk to me..." Again, Sasuke said nothing. All he did was rest his head against Naruto's shoulder and hold him. The two of them just sat there, sat in the center of the bed in that same position. At some point Sasuke's hands began to wander over Naruto's back, and somehow that got him to relax, somehow his hands touching Naruto got him to relax. His hands moved up into Naruto's hair, his fingers ran through the blond locks and for a second Naruto swore that he heard Sasuke sigh in relief. "Sasuke?" And one hand remained in Naruto's hair, clutching it gently, while his other arm went back around his waist to hold him close. And Sasuke rested his head against Naruto's chest, right over his heart, and just like that he fell right back asleep.

but through my tears breaks a blinding light

birthing a dawn to this endless night

When he opened his eyes again he was horrified to see that he was lying next to that poor woman who lived a few blocks away from his family. She was lying there, her eyes wide and vacant. The beautiful cocoa flavored eyes were now a ghostly white, and her mouth was wide open, showing that she didn't see the attack coming. This was different from all his other dreams. There was never this much detail to them. He could see the colors and texture of her simple dress, the black silk of her hair that was being bathed by fresh blood. And her body... her body was shaking... she was trying to hold on.

They were all supposed to be dead already, what was going on! And the air... the air smelled like...

... strawberry ramen.

Naruto!

The woman he was lying next to coughed and gargled with the blood that was choking her throat. A delicate hand reached forward and roughly seized Sasuke's wrist before he could even think about seeing if his instincts were right about Naruto being there. His eyes widened in fear and for the first time in a long time what he called his dreams began to shift into a horrible nightmare. Because he was scared, he was scared and he was shaking and his heart was pounding in his ears and yelling at him to get away from this woman who now had turned blank eyes to him. If possible her grip tightened and a sickening crack echoed around the area, causing Sasuke to wince as if he had been slapped and close his eyes tightly.

"Look at me." Her voice was full of the blood she was choking on so it sounded like she was trapped underwater instead of lying out here and dying.

Correction.

Already dead.

Because when Sasuke opened his eyes he saw a former shell of a woman lying there, and the cracking he had heard not so long ago came from her now bony fingers breaking around his wrist. Sasuke was desperate now, frantically trying to pull away but he didn't have to. Her skin began to melt away into dust until there was nothing left.

"I wanna wake up." Sasuke muttered as he embraced himself with scared, frightened arms. "I wanna wake up, I don't wanna be here anymore." He felt just like he did that night, that night when everything changed, that night when the moon and the sky became a sickening red.

Tat strawberry ramen smell got stronger... but at the same time the moon and the sky was being painted red all over again just like that night. What was going on his dreams weren't supposed to be like this!

"Sasuke?" And... in his dreams...

A few feet away from him Naruto stood there, stood there with his bright blue eyes and bright sunflower hair and bright orange clothes. Stood there in the Uchiha clan's pool of the dead as the red began to spread over their bodies and the deserted buildings in the village. But Naruto... the red didn't touch Naruto...

... in his dreams this never happened, and Naruto certainly never showed up.

arms outstretched awaiting me

an open embrace upon a bleeding tree

"Sasuke?" Naruto walked towards him, walked through the sea of red that now caked over everything. It was all Sasuke could see, nothing but blood colored red and Naruto who was stepping through it all as if it didn't even exist. The bodies, the buildings, not even the sky was visible through the completely red background that decided to wrap its arms around his dream turned nightmare. There was nothing but red. "Sasuke, what's going on? What is this place?" Red and Naruto.

"You aren't supposed to be here." Sasuke held himself tighter and shook his head childishly at Naruto. "You aren't supposed to be here! You're supposed to be outside in that lie, not in here!"

"Lie?" Naruto stopped moving towards him, looking absolutely confused. "What lie?"

"That world we live in is a lie. This... this is the truth. The truth about my clan being dead, about my brother killing everyone and me... not being able to avenge them." Sasuke closed his eyes, his voice getting almost too soft to hear. "You're a lie."

"What? Sasuke... I'm not..."

"... yes you are! Everything out there is a lie! This is the truth."

"This?" Naruto frowned at him. "So the people in your clan grab you and torment you in 'real' life? Oh, and everything turns red. I forgot how much that happens in 'real' life too." It was such a Naruto response that Sasuke almost, almost laughed. Had the situation been in a not so dramatic location he might've.

"You don't understand." Sasuke stood up and opened his eyes to look at Naruto. "The image you see of me outside this place is a lie. This... is the real me... a wea-"

"Stop it!" Sasuke stared at Naruto in surprise for the outburst. "Don't you **dare **call yourself weak, don't you **DARE!**"

"Naruto..."

"... would a weak person live in a world like this night after night?" Naruto indicated their surroundings that seemed to be oozing now. Sasuke could feel the red background melting, dripping over his feet and drizzling down Naruto's jacket. This must've been the part... where he was supposed to drown in his clan's blood...

"Naruto, leave right now!"

"No!" And surprisingly Naruto opened his arms up, smiling sadly at Sasuke. "Not unless if you come with me."

"What?" The red was tapping his shirt now, very slowly washing it in blood. "I... I can't." Naruto didn't move, he just stood there and waited. Stood there and let the blood decorate him with his arms wide open. "This... is my reality..."

"No it's not. This is just a bad dream that you've been having for way too long. Reality is with Kakashi-sensei, and Sakura-chan... and me. It's where you call me dobe all the time and where I get pissed off at you... and where we hold and kiss each other at night while everyone else is completely oblivious... except maybe Kakashi-sensei." Sasuke actually did crack a tiny smile that time which Naruto returned.

rest in me and i'll comfort you

"Come on, Sasuke, it's time to leave this place."

i have lived and died for you

"This is the real lie, the truth is..." Naruto gave a sharp gasp of pain while Sasuke's eyes widened in horror. Those blood red sharingan eyes stared back at him, void of any emotion, and a single hand was thrust right through Naruto's heart and dripping in his blood.

"No! Naruto!!!" Naruto coughed once, twice, then choked up a good amount of blood. Itachi drew his hand out of Naruto and let the boy stumble forward, waiting for him to fall.

But he didn't.

Somehow, Naruto stayed standing on shaky legs and looked up at Sasuke, weakly opening his arms up again.

abide in me and i vow to you

"... the truth... is... outside this place... wi-with me." Itachi's eyes narrowed and looked past Naruto and right at Sasuke. Sasuke winced and looked away from those eyes, not willing to face them again. "Sa... suke... come on!"

"Just go, Naruto! You'll die here!" The bloody background was drenching both of their ankles and Naruto just added to it since he was bleeding heavily. If he didn't leave he would...

"... no!"

"Naruto!"

"Come on, Sasuke! Just trust me, O.K.?" How the hell was he still alive with a direct hit to his heart? Why wasn't he dead like everyone else? How...

"... how..."

"Because... this place is a lie! It's not real! In reality I'm..."

"... not... dead..." Itachi growled lowly behind Naruto and the bloody background began to melt around them faster. But... it didn't matter anymore. Because this place... was the lie.

Naruto was the truth.

Itachi rose his hand up to attack again but before he could Sasuke darted forward and jumped into Naruto's arms. The two boys fell forward and hit...

... the floor.

"ITAI! SASUKE!" Sasuke blinked and looked around to see... the bedroom... "Did you have to push me out the bed like that? And get off of me, you're heavy!" ... he was... the nightmare was... "ACK! SASUKE!!!"

"Shut-up, dobe." Sasuke muttered against Naruto's neck, holding him so tightly that he could probably break him in half if he wanted to. Naruto opened his mouth to respond but stopped when he felt how much Sasuke was trembling against him. "Just shut-up." And without warning Sasuke captured Naruto's lips in the sweetest kiss the two of them had ever shared. Naruto just smiled and wrapped his arms around Sasuke and held him close and made a silent promise with that kiss.

i will never forsake you

* * *

****

Owari

Author's Comments: Very weird fic, I know. I have never written anything like that before but the song fit so much with... um... that weird idea I just wrote. Hope everyone enjoyed it. It was an interesting break from all the other fics.


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